drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
