So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You need a sexual gate keeper
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
