I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You've changed since you got that strap on
Randomize
