Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
