a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
