I think I died a long time ago.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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