Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
