babies were throwing up all over the place
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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