Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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