i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize
