i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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