I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
