I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
