in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
