im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
