people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
