My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
