i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
