i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
