i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
