Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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