community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
