Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
