in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
