hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
