She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Mom said you looked used
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
