Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
