I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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