I skipped work to stalk him.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
