When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
