Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
