I showed him my bush... on skype.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
