To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
