Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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