i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
