Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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