Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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