Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
