Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
