pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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