while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
