does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Randomize
