u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
