woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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