when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
