I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
