how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
