Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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