the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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