i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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