Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
