i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
