It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you inspire me to be a worse person
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
