i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
