An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
