you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he had hair everywhere except his balls
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
