why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
