Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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